I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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