This girl is more easily done than said...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
