Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
