You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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