I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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