Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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