bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
