Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
