i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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