I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
