bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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