Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
