Got a toothbrush?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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