the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
