umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
