I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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