You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
