I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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