Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have aggressive nipples.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
