I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
