Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
