I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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