Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
