Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
