I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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