She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
