I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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