If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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