Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
