Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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