fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
