***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
