Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
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Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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