Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
