I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
