i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
