I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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