just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
