If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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