i already hear my dad disowning me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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