I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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