Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
