u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
