he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
