last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
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When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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