we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
