U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
