I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
