He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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