i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your penis caused this!
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