I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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