just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
