I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
