She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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