I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
