At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
