Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Farmville is her only friend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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