you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
