is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
