and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
