I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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