This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
