i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
