Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
