You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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