I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
