Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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