Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
