I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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