i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
