question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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