we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
